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How to Find What You're Actually Looking For
Good morning!
I hope this finds you well.
Welcome to another edition of The Matt Viera Newsletter.
The newsletter with the goal to inspire you to live the life you actually want to live.
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That quiet Saturday morning was cold, gray, and gloomy outside when I woke up.
I walked to the kitchen and started brewing a pot of coffee.
I went to my couch, laid down, and waited for my first cup.
I was at peace knowing I had no place to go and nothing to do.
I turned on the TV and started watching a movie (coffee in hand).
I was in my pajamas and as there was a little nip in the air, I snuggled up warmly under the quilt my grandmother knitted.
The first movie finished, and then I watched another.
After the second movie, I started another.
Three movies back-to-back.
This occurred during a quiet weekend when I practiced law over a decade ago.
I vividly remember this day.
It’s the day that set the “rest and relaxation” benchmark for me.
It was the day I discovered the power of doing absolutely nothing.
Days like this are rare, and I’m always looking for my next fix.
The next time I felt as relaxed was the day I went winter camping a few years ago.
I found a spot in the middle of nowhere, set up camp, entered my tent, started the portable heater, and read a book about long-haul truck driving.
I slept like a baby that night (only to wake up during a blizzard).
The common denominators for both of these days:
I had nothing to do
I had nowhere to be
I was not distracted by anything
I didn’t see or speak to another human being
Well, I did see 3 people riding snowmobiles while winter camping - they just waved and kept riding along (as if they knew I wanted to be left alone).
That level of relaxation is what I fiend for as it’s such a challenge to find.
While extremely challenging to find, especially while living in New York City, it can be found.
What’s the trick to finding it?
There are 3 specific elements:
1) A reasonable work-life balance and 2) using your paid time off (for vacation, not for doing chores around the house).
I’ll get to the 3rd element shortly, but check this out:
Reconcile that with these:
According to Pew Research, “A majority of workers (62%) say it’s extremely important to them to have a job that offers paid time off.
An additional 27% say this is very important to them.”
Yet, “46% say they take less time off than they are allowed.”
There’s clearly a want and a need for work-life balance.
I’ll be honest: I didn’t take much time off in the military because 1) I had a ton of fun while working, and 2) I lived in exotic, foreign locations, which I had the time to explore either on or off the job.
I worked a lot, but I always had something to look forward to.
As a civilian, I didn’t have that balance.
It took me a while to realize that work-life balance is something I not only want but absolutely need - for my physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
It wasn’t until I started practicing law that I realized, “No. This is not going to work.”
I had a week of vacation per year.
Are you kidding me?
I shake my head just thinking about it.
And let me tell you, I loved practicing law. Loved it.
But not enough to practice with only a week of vacation per year.
I can preach until I’m blue in the face, but the fact is - if you’re feeling unbalanced, overworked, on the verge of burnout, and have paid time off to use, use it.
Use all of it.
Go somewhere you have never been (without a down-to-the-hour planned itinerary), and
Be still
Breathe
Just live
You didn’t think I forgot about that 3rd element, did you?
Here it is all tied together:
A reasonable work-life balance to use all of your paid time off to:
Be still
Breathe
Just live
Combined with the 3rd element:
Alone.
Trust me.
I’ve traveled internationally, gone camping, and taken cross-country road trips:
Alone.
While sharing those experiences with others is fun, the value of those experiences alone is immeasurable.
I’d venture to say: life-changing.
Escape your daily grind by using all of your paid time off and travel somewhere, anywhere.
Alone.
You may actually find what you’re looking for.
You may actually find yourself.
A quote from one of my favorite movies I watched long before I was in the military that resonates with me to this day:
“Sometimes you have to lose yourself before you can find anything.”
Interesting reads:
Italy appears to be a real estate buyer’s market for those fed up with the “rising cost of living in America.”
According to the BBC: “65% of job seekers prioritized work-life balance over pay and benefits.” What does work-life balance mean in a changed work world?
Thanks for reading!
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